There is a fine line between just not knowing and being
stupid. In my line of work I see more of
that later. I thought today I would just
put out some very short funny stories.
I was sitting at home one night about 11PM when my phone
started ringing. When I answered the
phone the woman on the other line stated she was at my office and it was
locked. She wanted to know why I wasn’t
open when the sign clearly stated that we are 24 hours. I told her that we were available 24 hours to
write bail. The conversation went a
little like this.
ME “Do you need to have a bond posted”
Her “Yes”
ME “Who are you trying to bail out? Where are they in jail? How much is the bond?”
Her “I don’t need YOU to post the bond. I already have a bondsman.
ME “So why are you at my office.”
Her “Because the sign says you are open 24 hours and I need
paperwork faxed to MY bondsman.”
ME “Yes. My sign dose say I am open 24 hours to post bail
and that I am nationwide. It does not,
however, say “Open 24 hours a day to fax paperwork to other bondsman so they
can make money. You have a nice night. Goodbye.”
I get a lot of people who call and want to know if I will do
a no collateral signature bond. I do but
only on $500 bonds. The one that really
got me was the one about a 10,000 dollar bond.
The lady called and asked if I did signature bonds. I said for a local that has a job with a
co-signer I would consider it if it was
a 500 dollar bond. Then she said “So you
wouldn’t do a bond for 10,000.” I told
her I would not do it. She just couldn’t
understand why I wouldn’t do it since she just knew he wouldn’t run. I said, “I NEED 10,000 DOLLARS. WILL YOU LOAN ME 10,000 DOLLARS?” She said no.
I think she got it after that but I am not entirely sure she
understood. What else can I say?
I really can’t understand the people who really want me to
bail their friend or family member out and don’t want to put anything of theirs
up for collateral. They want to promise
me that they really trust this person but just don’t want to put up anything
for them. They just can’t understand why
I won’t write the bond. PEOPLE IF YOU
DON’T TRUST THEM ENOUGH TO PUT SOMETHING UP, I DON’T TRUST THEM AT ALL.
I really love the jail calls. Now I pay for every call that I take so I am
not taking your call just to chat about the weather. Every single person who calls me says they
have the money and the collateral but they just have to get out of jail first. If I just get them out of jail they will get
me what I need. Some people are telling
the truth but I can’t take a risk on every one of them. (READ How This Whole Thing Got Started) Every single person who calls also tells me
that they are going to go to court and they promise they are not going to
run. I love saying “So you think the guy
who I am looking for now told me that he was going to split before I wrote the
bond?” Have to humor myself because no
one else dose throughout the day!
It’s the small laughs that keep me going. I was doing a bond report not too long
ago. Bond reports are boring hours spent
in front of the computer trying to make sure I get everything right because
once I create the report there is no going back. I grab a file and opened it up probably the
10th of the day. I open up the file and
take the bond out. I didn’t look at
anything else because the bond has all the information I need for the first
step. First Name – Robert Last Name – Lambert. Hmmm I look at the file label, it says Robert
Smith. I relieve then that Robert put
his own name on the bond and the jail didn’t say anything about. So being the smartass that I am I call
Robert. “Hey Robert, I didn’t know you
were arrested last week! I was just
wondering how you bonded yourself out!” He of course wanted to know what I was talking
about. I told him he put his own name on
the bond and not the defendants. He of
course denied it at first but the bond does not lie!
One morning I get a
call from the office next door telling me my alarm is going off in my
office. I start to get dressed and ready
to go to the office and take care of it.
As I am leaving the police call me to tell me they are on scene and
someone needs to come down and turn off the alarm. I knew that I was getting there as fast as I
could. The alarm in that office is loud
and the office is not that big. When I
pull up to the office 2 police officers are not standing at the door they are
standing IN THE OFFICE WITH THAT ALARMS JUST BLARING!!! Is there some kind of
rule that after they search the place they have to stay in it with the alarm
still going!!!! After I turn the alarm
off the female officer says well your motorcycle is still here and your gun
still seems to be here. As I am thinking
to myself, there are a hell of a lot more than you know about! Okay so what happened was I had taken the
trash out the night before and forgot to lock the back door. This would not have been a problem if my
neighbor’s client hadn’t decided to enter their office from the back door for
the first time. Except he didn’t go into
their office he went into my office! He almost
pissed his pants when the alarm started going off. Who enters an office from the back door? I don’t think the guy who did, will be doing
that anytime soon again. If someone had
broken into my office I don’t think they would be getting out of jail, at least
not on my bond.
I have a pug named Bonsai.
He loves to go on car rides and loves to go
to the office with me. Unlike, my hound
dog Duke,
who HATES the car and likes to bark at my clients. Bonsai is in no way perfect. This dog can fart with the best of them and
clear a room in a matter of second. I
had Bonsai in the office with me when I was writing a bond. One of the guys was playing with Bonsai and
he jumped up in his lap. He then
promptly put his paws on my desk, his butt in this guys’ face, and farted! It stunk bad and this guy got a face full of
it! I could not help but laugh! What
else was I supposed to do? I LOVE MY
DOGS!!
Thanks for reading!!!
Susanne
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