DID THAT JUST HAPPEN??

There is a fine line between just not knowing and being stupid.  In my line of work I see more of that later.  I thought today I would just put out some very short funny stories.

I was sitting at home one night about 11PM when my phone started ringing.  When I answered the phone the woman on the other line stated she was at my office and it was locked.  She wanted to know why I wasn’t open when the sign clearly stated that we are 24 hours.  I told her that we were available 24 hours to write bail.  The conversation went a little like this.

ME “Do you need to have a bond posted”

Her “Yes”

ME “Who are you trying to bail out?  Where are they in jail?  How much is the bond?”

Her “I don’t need YOU to post the bond.  I already have a bondsman.

ME “So why are you at my office.”

Her “Because the sign says you are open 24 hours and I need paperwork faxed to MY bondsman.”

ME “Yes. My sign dose say I am open 24 hours to post bail and that I am nationwide.  It does not, however, say “Open 24 hours a day to fax paperwork to other bondsman so they can make money. You have a nice night. Goodbye.”  

I get a lot of people who call and want to know if I will do a no collateral signature bond.  I do but only on $500 bonds.  The one that really got me was the one about a 10,000 dollar bond.  The lady called and asked if I did signature bonds.  I said for a local that has a job with a co-signer  I would consider it if it was a 500 dollar bond.  Then she said “So you wouldn’t do a bond for 10,000.”  I told her I would not do it.  She just couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t do it since she just knew he wouldn’t run.  I said, “I NEED 10,000 DOLLARS.  WILL YOU LOAN ME 10,000 DOLLARS?”  She said no.  I think she got it after that but I am not entirely sure she understood.  What else can I say? 

I really can’t understand the people who really want me to bail their friend or family member out and don’t want to put anything of theirs up for collateral.  They want to promise me that they really trust this person but just don’t want to put up anything for them.  They just can’t understand why I won’t write the bond.  PEOPLE IF YOU DON’T TRUST THEM ENOUGH TO PUT SOMETHING UP, I DON’T TRUST THEM AT ALL.    

I really love the jail calls.  Now I pay for every call that I take so I am not taking your call just to chat about the weather.  Every single person who calls me says they have the money and the collateral but they just have to get out of jail first.  If I just get them out of jail they will get me what I need.  Some people are telling the truth but I can’t take a risk on every one of them.  (READ How This Whole Thing Got Started)  Every single person who calls also tells me that they are going to go to court and they promise they are not going to run.  I love saying “So you think the guy who I am looking for now told me that he was going to split before I wrote the bond?”  Have to humor myself because no one else dose throughout the day!

It’s the small laughs that keep me going.  I was doing a bond report not too long ago.  Bond reports are boring hours spent in front of the computer trying to make sure I get everything right because once I create the report there is no going back.  I grab a file and opened it up probably the 10th of the day.  I open up the file and take the bond out.  I didn’t look at anything else because the bond has all the information I need for the first step.  First Name – Robert  Last Name – Lambert.  Hmmm I look at the file label, it says Robert Smith.  I relieve then that Robert put his own name on the bond and the jail didn’t say anything about.  So being the smartass that I am I call Robert.  “Hey Robert, I didn’t know you were arrested last week!  I was just wondering how you bonded yourself out!”  He of course wanted to know what I was talking about.  I told him he put his own name on the bond and not the defendants.  He of course denied it at first but the bond does not lie!

  One morning I get a call from the office next door telling me my alarm is going off in my office.  I start to get dressed and ready to go to the office and take care of it.  As I am leaving the police call me to tell me they are on scene and someone needs to come down and turn off the alarm.  I knew that I was getting there as fast as I could.  The alarm in that office is loud and the office is not that big.  When I pull up to the office 2 police officers are not standing at the door they are standing IN THE OFFICE WITH THAT ALARMS JUST BLARING!!! Is there some kind of rule that after they search the place they have to stay in it with the alarm still going!!!!  After I turn the alarm off the female officer says well your motorcycle is still here and your gun still seems to be here.  As I am thinking to myself, there are a hell of a lot more than you know about!  Okay so what happened was I had taken the trash out the night before and forgot to lock the back door.  This would not have been a problem if my neighbor’s client hadn’t decided to enter their office from the back door for the first time.  Except he didn’t go into their office he went into my office!  He almost pissed his pants when the alarm started going off.  Who enters an office from the back door?  I don’t think the guy who did, will be doing that anytime soon again.  If someone had broken into my office I don’t think they would be getting out of jail, at least not on my bond.        

I have a pug named Bonsai.    He loves to go on car rides and loves to go to the office with me.  Unlike, my hound dog Duke, who HATES the car and likes to bark at my clients.  Bonsai is in no way perfect.  This dog can fart with the best of them and clear a room in a matter of second.  I had Bonsai in the office with me when I was writing a bond.  One of the guys was playing with Bonsai and he jumped up in his lap.  He then promptly put his paws on my desk, his butt in this guys’ face, and farted!  It stunk bad and this guy got a face full of it!  I could not help but laugh! What else was I supposed to do?  I LOVE MY DOGS!!

 <<DUKE             ^^^BONSAI

Thanks for reading!!!

Susanne

Squatting, The Law and Birdland

There are a few things I wanted to talk about today.  First off I figured I would put some law out there.  Some people who sign the paperwork and bail another out just don’t pay attention.  I could talk to these people until I am blue in the face and they still will not understand what I am saying.  Second I am going to run through how my last skip tracing went.  I will say that it did not go to well.

It really makes me angry when people do not listen to me.  I am not explaining things to myself; I am doing it for you, the client.  If you don’t want to listen to me it’s not my problem when you are out $5,000 or your car when your “best friend” skips out.  Read the contract before you sign it!  When I say that you are responsible for the FULL AMOUNT OF THE BOND, that’s what I mean!  Second thing I really hate is when people start telling me laws from other states; such as California and Nevada.  This is ARIZONA and I follow ARIZONA LAW! 

Now that I am done ranting about not listening and reading what you are signing let’s get into some law.  I guess this part might end up a little boring but it’s just something I want to put out there.  A bail bond is to ensure the defendant appears in court when they are told to, not when it is convenient for them!  People do not seem to understand if your miss court and then the very next day you show you can lose the entire bond.  Yesterday I was trying to explain this to a client.  She thought that if the defendant went in by himself the bond would not be forfeited, but that is just not the case.  The only guaranteed why the bond will not be forfeited is if the BONDING COMPANY arrests and surrenders the defendant.  Recently we paid out $500 after the defendant appeared in court on his own but he had already missed a court day.  The other misconception is if the police arrest a defendant that has missed court the bond is safe, but once again not the case, more times than not we will pay at least a partial forfeiture. 

Second if a defendant misses court and I go and arrest him or her you WILL PAY ME for an arrest BEFORE any collateral is returned.  I do not work for free!!!  You should be thankful you only have to pay an arrest fee and not the full amount of the bond. 

I can understand if after you bail someone out you find that you have made a mistake.  Tell me where they are and I will go and arrest them.  I can’t understand when people claim that they didn’t understand what they were doing because I read you the contract and the conditions of release and I gave you a copy of it all.  Also don’t call me saying that you want off the bond and defendant surrendered if he has already left town!  I am sorry you put your trust on an untrustworthy asshole but you signed that paper you don’t get off the bond just because you want to.  The defendant has to be back in jail for that.

Okay I am sure you are all bored as hell after listening to my rants but I think this may get better.

I set out last Friday to look for a skip in Kingman.  I decided first place to start with the address Alex had put on his application.  I found the house without any problems.  The first look of the place was not promising.  There was a NO TRESSPASSING sign post but there seemed to be one on every yard.  I guess that is just the thing to do.  I entered the fence and almost had a heart attack when right to my right side a dag starts growling.  I was only about a foot or so away from the neighbors fence, so, the dog was only about a foot away from me and was not happy.  Thankfully the dog decided I wasn’t worth the effort of jumping the fence and just settled on growling and barking at me. 

As I approached the covered porch to the front door I had to wade through a sea of trash and clothes.  When I got to the front door it was wide open.  There were a few second of indecision but I figured I would have to go in.  I made my presence know and slowly entered the house.  I of course had my trusty side arm drawn and ready.  I slowly and quietly cleared the rooms.  There was trash, clothes, dirty diapers and old broken toys piled to the ceiling in some spots.  By this point, I was not worried about meeting a live person but sadly think I might find someone dead behind a pile of clothes or trash.  You ever seen one of those Hoarding Shows?  Well that is what this house looked like.  After going through all the rooms I found no one and nothing useful in my search for Alex.  On my way out I figured I would shut the door and made sure not to leave my print anywhere, I mean who knows how my crimes have been committed in that place. 

As I was exciting the property the neighbor wanted to talk to me.  The first thing he asked me is if I was looking for the squatters.  I figured I was.  The second thing he said was there were probably about 4 different sets of them that had move in and out of the property in those 4 weeks.   The worst part of what he told me was most people that had come through there had children with them.  The horror of having a child in there is too great to even think about.  The truth of the matter is most people don’t think about these things.  They go through there comfortable life day by day and don’t have to face these types of things.  I left that place with a heavy heart knowing there would children that are being drag from place to place like the one I was just in by no fault of their own.  I also felt bad for the neighbor who seemed like a straight up kind of guy.  To have to live next to a place like that and wondering what kind of people were living in it would make anyone uncomfortable.  However, the hunt continues and I have a job to do.                

I had a second tip I need to follow up on Alex.  It wasn’t a very good one but it was all I had.  The directions went like this.

Turn on to Gemstone (changed name)

Take the first Left

Take the last Right.

Half way down the road there is a trailer facing the road in a drive way.

Well let’s just say that in this particular part of town known as BIRLAND due to the street names.  There are ONLY TRAILERS and all of them face the road in the driveway.  They lady never got back to me with a color or description of the property.  BIRDLAND is known for tweakers.  For those of you who don’t know what a tweaker is they are so high on drugs most the time they cannot sit still.  Most of the time out here the preferred drug is METH, it is easy to come by and cheap.  Most tweakers will pick at themselves until that bleed.  It is really rather disgusting. L 

Well I started driving down that last road and really didn’t find anything promising but if first you don’t succeed try again.  No one seemed to notice me that first pass or at least I didn’t think I had been noticed.  The second time if seems like there were more people in the driveway or “working” in their yard.  I thought since I was there I would drive through just one more time.  Just for good measure. Leave no stone unturned.  One my third trip I think EVERYONE was blatantly giving me the once over as I drove by.  My car was to clean.  I was driving to slow.  They all knew I was someone that shouldn’t be there and I was up to something.  As Robert said later it was the “Jungle Telegram”.  I knew after that third trip doing a canvass with my pictures would have gotten me nowhere.  I guess I should have done that before everyone noticed me.  Lesson learned, once again, the hard way and I went home empty handed.

On a last note I want to say that most people don’t realize the poverty today.  I mean sure you see it on the news read about it in the paper but if you are getting on Facebook everyday you’re really not getting on that bad.  I see it most days sitting in my office.  I am not saying that everyone I see is living in poverty but a lot are not working.  I know that some are just criminals and don’t have a job because they are doing other things for money.  Others turn to crime to support themselves and that is just the way it is.  Poverty promotes crime.  Idle hands are the devils handy work.  

I guess nothing really to laugh about today.  That’s just the way it goes sometimes.  If you have gotten this far I hope that you enjoyed and I thank you for reading.    

Susanne

My Dad My Hero

So this blog is supposed to be about Bounty Hunting and Bail Bonds but today is my Dads birthday and without my Dad I would not be where I am today.  My daddy Ronald Pinard passed awayed March 2011 and this is his first birthday since. So I thought to up lift the day I would tell a little story about me and Dad.

Back in my sophomore year in high school I have started raising hogs to show and butcher for hams and bacons.   My barn were I kept my horses, hogs, sleep, chickens (Mom’s stupid chickens) and steers was up a steep hill with nothing but a washed out dirt road.  Getting the truck up there in the winter was not a fun thing.  My Dads truck was an F150 but was not four wheel drive; however, it had a camper top which was great for holding a hog or sheep.  There was no way we were going to get the horse trailer up there even with Mom’s four wheel drive truck.    

The date was set and all the students who had hogs for the ham and bacon show had to bring there hogs to the fairgrounds, to be sent to a USDA slaughter house for inspection.  The hogs would later come back in full halves to be butchers and the hams and bacons cured and smoked, but this story it not about hams and bacons, it’s about Dad and I getting that stupid big of that stupid hill in the middle of winter.

Anyone who has dealt with hogs knows that your run of the mill hog is not going to go quietly or willingly into anything.  Our problem was we had to get the pig off the hill and into the back of the truck waiting at the bottom.  I don’t know who thought about the idea first but we decided we needed to hog tie the pig.  Not only were we going to hog tie the pig but we were going to hog tie it to a pallet!

I don’t know who came up with the phrase hog tie; however, you can hog tie a cow, you can hog tie a goat, you can hog tie a sheep, but you CAN NOT HOG TIE A HOG!!!!   I think Dad and I chased that stupid pig around the pen for 30 minutes before we even got a rope around one leg, let alone all 4.  We did finally get some more ropes around it and I laid on top of that pig while Dad tied it down to the pallet.  By this time Dad, the pig and I were cover in hog shit and tired.  I think the only reason we got that pig on the pallet was because it was just tired of running around.  

The second problem was getting the pig on a pallet to the truck at the bottom!  Dad and I had a solution to that as well.  We tied the pig on a pallet to the back of the 4 wheeler.  Down the hill we went.  Dad driving the 4 wheeler dragging the pig on a pallet with me on the pallet to make sure the pallet didn’t run into the back of the 4 wheeler.  At the bottom of the hill he used ramps to push the pig on a pallet into the back of the truck and off we went to the fairgrounds. 

The looks we got when Dad opened the back of the truck were priceless and worth the 2 hours it took!  The guys just picked up the pallet and moved it to the waiting trailer and untied the by then very unhappy hog.

With that pig I won Grand Champion Ham and Bacon that year so all was right in the world and Dad made some kick ass pork chops too!!

Hope you all enjoyed reading.

Dad thanks for all the good times.  Thanks for being my grounding force and being proud of me.  Thank you for being my problem solver and letting me do all the things you let me do.  Thanks for all the memories.  I miss you. I love you.  You were a Greatest Daddy.    

I LOVE YOU POPS

Susanne

Ronald John Pinard

Dad James and Duke

One of the many Pigs. Not the one in this story.

Mom and Dad

How This Whole Thing Got Started

I guess for those of you who don’t know me I should give a little background.  Even for those for you who have known me for years may not know how I went from College as an Equine major, to an EMT, to a Combat Medic in the Army Reserve, to a Bail Bond Agent but that’s how it went.  Looking back it has been a crazy turn of events that has brought me to this point in my life and sometimes I have to stop and wonder where I will be in 10, 20, 30 years, but who doesn’t think about that.

So I was deployed to Kuwait in early 2010 and was there until November 20^th 2010.  While I was there I did some convey missions to Iraq.  I came back home to Arizona on December 13 2010.  About two weeks later I went back to work doing security at a Casino in Laughlin, NV.  Most of the time I got along at work and had some fun but I just wasn’t happy where I was in my life.

My boyfriend Robert has had a Bail Bond Company for about 19 years.  So I quit my Job and started doing Bail Bonds and with it sometimes comes knocking on doors like an idiot and making it all up as I go.

Disclaimer names will be changed to protect client privacy even though arrest and court records are a matter of public record.

I guess I should start with my first bond I ever wrote.

My first bond was not a “behind the desk bond” were you bring me money and collateral and I give you a bond.   Of course I had no idea what I was doing or getting into at the time.  The client had been calling our office for I would say about 2 weeks when I finally got ahold of his girlfriend who confirmed that she did have the truck and the collateral to go against the money for the premium.   In my eyes this was going to be a cut and dry deal.  I pick Marvin up from jail, drive him to his house in Lake Havasu get the truck title, and the four wheeler to hold on to, and that would be the end of it until they paid us the rest of the money.

That was not how it went down.  I did get Marvin out of jail but I had my car and need the truck to pick up the 4 wheeler.  The drive from the jail to my house to get the truck was uneventful.  The drive to Lake Havasu was uneventful and I thought everything was going just great until we were getting into town.  The truck began to overheat and of course I have no idea what to do.  Marvin turns the heat on full blast and tells me we are now just around the corner from his house.  At this point I thought I could make it (which we did) but not before something in the truck blew and next thing I know we are engulfed in white smoke. 

Marvin, while still in handcuffs, gets out of the truck and decides he can fix the truck.  Of course by this time I am at his mercy and the tides had changed.  What else was I supposed to do?  They didn’t have anything about trucks blowing up on the Bail Bond Agent test!!!!!!!  Robert was off on a train somewhere, I was an hour from home with an overheating truck that had just blown something.  So I took his cuffs of and let him go at the truck.

Marvin and his brother found that the hose that connects to the place where you put the coolant in had broken.  (See how much I know about cars.)  So they took a straight piece of hose out of their truck (yes the one that I just took the title for) and put it in my truck and said it should, key word, SHOULD, get me home.  The problem was I was supposed to be taking a 4 wheeler home with me and I just didn’t think that the truck should be pushed too hard, so, I went shopping in their garage, so to speak.  I finally came to settle on a generator that look in decent enough shape and I thought could be worth at least $500 for the money that was owed to me. 

They load up the generator tied in down for me and we finished up the paperwork.  I unwillingly got back in to the death truck and started back home.  I think I got about 5 miles before that damn thing over heated again. 

By this I was emotional wreck.  Not only was it my first time in Lake Havasu, but in my mind I was a failure at this Bail Bond thing.  I had blown up Robert’s truck (I forgot to mention it was Robert’s truck. J),  I didn’t get the collateral I had set out to get, they had taken apart a truck that was supposed to be in great shape to try and fix my truck and now I was still stuck.  When Robert finally answer my text which said (911 Emergency The truck is broke L) I was a mess.  I can only imagine what Robert thought listening to me on the other line when he called me back.  But Robert being the voice of reason told me to have the truck towed to somewhere safe and he would fix it.  Then call my mother and have her come pick me up.

The tow truck cost me 70 bucks for them to drive it to their lot about 10 miles away.  I wasn’t staying in that lot while I waited for mom (who was not happy about having to come pick me up at 11 PM) to come get me because that lot was more like an alley and didn’t have anything nearby.  So the nice tow truck women dropped me off at a gas station and I waited for mother. 

I had a long time to sit and think about what had just happened and how much worst it could have been.   Then I remember I still had the damn generator strapped down in the back of the truck!  I couldn’t leave it there to get stolen, that was the last thing I needed at this point!!!! So when mom and aunt Kathy arrived I broke them the bad news.  The thing I had not planned for was moms truck bed cover!  The generator was not going to fit in there! 

In the dark alley mom slowly back her truck up to mine (or Robert’s should I say) and sure enough it didn’t fit.  Mom was pissed when I told her I was not leaving unless the generator was coming to and I think that at this point and time she was ready to leave me sleeping in my truck and let Robert deal with me, truck and the generator when he got home!  But I ended up turning the generator on its side and somehow tying down that bed cover.  Mom was once again not happy and it was a long silent ride home.  To make matter worse the gas and oil leaked out of that generator all over the bed on mom’s truck bed.

Of course when Robert got home I think he was more in awe of my stupidity then mad.  The first thing he asked me was if the generator even ran……. Shit!!!! Maybe I should have check that out before I even took the thing. 

That was close to 8 months ago now and I have learned from my mistakes.  Marvin did end up going to court and the bond was exonerated but I never did get my 500 from him.  The generator is still in my garage and I still don’t know if it even works.  I will have to say every time I look at it makes me laugh and pisses me off at the same time.  But where would I be now without that first big bond mistake.

Hope you got a good laugh,

Susanne

P.S. Thanks Ashley for listening to me on the phone while I waiting for mom to come get me.  Thanks mom and Aunt Kathy for coming out in the middle of the night to rescue me.  I know you were both more worried that mad and I am sure I deserve some of the things you might have said to me at the time.